Cooking Queen

What can a woman do besides sex to satisfy her man when she cannot cook? Does she fake till she makes it? Buying takeout then throwing away the container in the trash. Who is the reigning queen of the microwave now that I have learned the art of cooking? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You want to keep him happy so go to your mother or grandmother and watch them in action in the kitchen. It is the best thing ever. I never dreamed I would love cooking so much. If you refuse the idea altogether then you have to pick up in other areas. You conversation has to be interesting and on point. Make sure you focus on areas his is interested in. Try watching the game with him without asking too many questions. Save them for the commercial. Read up on his favorite sport and favorite sports team. Learn to play games together try different ones such as twister, scrabble, scattergories, and even chess. The bottom line is learn how to cook. Men wants a woman who cooks, clean, and everything. Take a cooking class or take some lessons with grandma to learn how to make lean cuisines. Start with something simple like lasagna or baked ziti. Find out his favorite dish and master it. You may not get it right the first time but he will appreciate your continued effort. Let's face facts eating out gets boring after a while. Once you start cooking you may learn you love it like I did. I take great pride in my work in the kitchen. I call up my mother and grandmother all the time when trying something new. If you are bad with instructions like me sit there in the kitchen buy the ingredients and watch someone else make it so you know for next time. Especially since today is Thanksgiving make it a point to spend sometime in the kitchen and learn a few tricks of the trade. If you are anything like me and love to learn you will enjoy cooking and be so happy you started. I cannot tell you how cute I thought it was when my former boyfriend would come over say babe what did you cook. One day he will love your cooking just as much as he loves you.

Love in the Club

Gentleman's Corner: Ladies why do you dress sexy in the club only to come there and stand on the wall? You barely notice the sexy fellas in the room because your nose is up in the air. Fellas you ever been in the club and notice a sexy lady in the club and you ask her to dance and she declines your request. Later you observe her again and she is still standing there grinding on the wall or one of her girls. Even worse some of you come dressed scantily clad and are shocked when a guy comes onto you. You have all your goodies showing leaving nothing to the imagination. You get all up in arms that he made a pass at you. Ladies I am not condoning a man making a sexual advance to you but when you have everything out he is not thinking wow she has a big beautiful....brain. Leave him guessing. Men like a challenge not an easy mark. Both of the situations occur every weekend in the club every weekend. Now I am not guaranteeing you are going to find love in the club but at least go out to have a good time. Ladies men appreciate seeing you all dolled up and want to approach you. Remember men are stimulated visually and in awe of how beautiful you look on any given club night. In their minds they do not see the logic in getting dressed up just to sit alone all night. They feel you might as well have stayed home. Anti-social behavior is not cute in the club. Then some of you have the nerve to be upset that no one approached you. Shutting men down when they approach is a surefire way to get you on the she is dancing alone list for the night. Not to mention the mean scowls you have on your face in the club no one wants to talk to a woman that looks pissed off. He does not want to further piss you off. Keep a smile on your face and an open mind when enter the club. Since one would like to believe you are there to enjoy yourself. Do not distract yourself about sweating out your weave that is what ponytail holders are for. Another issue worth address is the women who come dressed to the club like they are about to perform at another club....the strip club. Now do not get upset I am not telling anyone what to wear in a club. This is after all a free country. You can wear whatever you like. Just keep in mind you will attract a certain type of attention that may be unwanted. He will approach you but his mind will be consume with trying to get you out of the club and into the bed. Some men see the club as a hunting grounds and search for their prey there. Wearing next to nothing is like a deer caught in a hunter's sight. Some women have the audacity to be offended and appalled when a man approaches them with sex on his lips as they speak to them when dressed this way. Keep it grown and sexy force him to look into your eyes when speaking to you do not let your body distract him from seeing the real you. When I go to the club I am looking to meet new people. Although I am a shy girl I am not hesitant to meet a new firnedly face. Now gentleman while I sympathize with you in both of these situations some of you are guilty as charged with coming to a club only to stand around and watching fun happen all around you. In my eyes you could have stayed your ass home. You go to a club to dance and socialize. Let your hair down a little. Wind up your waist and drop it low and get your party on. Good times are ahead of you at the club.

Living in a Glass House

Freaky Friday: Why can't a hoe be a housewife? Is that a rhetorical question? Many will argue that a hoe can't be a housewife because she would give all the milk to the milkman. They say hoes can`t be trusted now what does that say about the men who creep with them. You have a girlfriend and you creep with a girl on the side. Many will say she is a hoe for creeping with someone else's man. You creep with her on a regular basis. Are you a hoe too? Won't you walk a mile in her stilettos before you kick her back in. Sounds like the man in the situation is throwing stones at a glass house. Don't hoes need love too. Too my of us are living in the past. Judge lest ye be judged. It is humorous to see how much shit you talk about the next person. If they ain't talking about you then you ain't that interesting. Mind your damn business and let that hoe take that stroll. May it lead her to happiness. Ever stop to wonder where her promiscuity stems from? Of course not you just thought she popped out the womb sleeping around. But as the saying goes men love sluts just not as girlfriends or wives. Which hoe is worst the one on the corner or the one in your bed? It goes back to the double standard about how men and women truly are not equal. Women face facts we cannot do what men can do unless we want to endure some serious scrutiny. I am not condoning promiscuity I do not want my sisters out here laying around with every man she encounters. I want her to realize she has worth and value herself. Fulfilling a fantasy is cool but being everyone's Girl Six is not cool. Monogamy is communicable please hurry up and catch it. Ladies we cannot sleep around because we are shunned for that. You are equal to a streetwalker and you need to find a pimp unless your a renegade. Ladies we have to lead by example for our sisters and daughters. We don't want them selling themselves short feeding into hoe quotes. If you use what got to get what you want then you don't have much to offer. Let that be the former you. Everyone has to have a period of metamorphisis. Stop looking back press on forward. Undoubtedly, there will be those who will come back to haunt you. Simply put everything you do in the dark always comes out in the light. Forgive yourself and the rest will follow. Men I understand that you don't want to be with a woman who has a reputation that proceeds her. But think about this what if you knew nothing of her past fell in love with her and got to know the beauty she truly is. Then you later find out she has a less than stellar past life do you love her anyway? Can a bad girl be reformed? She forgave herself why can't you?

Glory Days

Ever lost a love because you were stuck in the past? Never dwell on something old, when you have something new. In life we tend to allow the ghosts of love past haunt our present day and even work its way into our future. We get so caught up in what could have been we miss out on how things should be. I had an eye-opening encounter this morning and would like you to learn the lesson without the kick in the ass. There was this sexy guy who worked in my office building who approached me a while back. He was very nice looking had an easy-going manner about him very down to earth. I gave him my number and we would periodically speak on the phone. I would make sporadic phone calls to him. We hung out two times and that was it. At the time I was seeing this other guy I had been dating off and on. He would pick me up from work and come to my house all the time. Unbeknownst to me the new guy saw all this since he lived near me and worked in the same building. I would tell him when he asked me if I was seeing anyone no and that I was just dating. I never gave it a second thought. Needless to say I let the new guy go because I was so fixated on the current guy. He would not commit to me he kept saying if only I would change. It took too many years and tears for me to get that shit through my head. It was not until recently I got the case of the fuck-its and let him go. Yet I cannot help but wonder on what could have been as I talked to the new guy it was apparent he wanted nothing to do with me. My ego got knocked unconscious. When it came to we both realized what a mistake we made. Never make the same mistake twice. Never allow emotion mind to drive your heart. If you allow your emotions to fuel your decisions you will be walking on shaky ground. The rational and emotional must fuse together to create wise mind. You need them both to think clearlyand logically. Matters of the heart often defy logic. Sometimes you have to think like a guy to get one. Men tend to look at things from a black and white view it is either all or nothing therefore diminishing any grey area. If a guy was in my situation he probably would have cut the old girl off and move on. When a situation isn’t working for you change your environment. Never allow your past to dictate your future. People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. Acknowledge their place in your life and move on. We need to possess the power of letting go. Do not try to make someone stay that is meant to go. As T.D. Jakes says, “When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never to be tied to anyone that left.” Stop trying to raise the dead. Know when it is over. Ever noticed when everyone around you it telling you to let something go and you are holding on you are often barely hanging on. You lose your grip instead of letting it go you chase after the rope that will inevitably be used to hang yourself. If people are not joined to you know that you cannot make them stay. That was my problem and now that I have cut myself down from the rope my eyes are open. You cannot view the world with rose-colored glasses. You will trip and fall over your own feet. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO!

Pursuit of Happiness

Why are you single? Welcome to the start of my new single series. This will be an introspection into the depth of why we are single? I will pose various questions in which I welcome candid responses. I will be frank with you as well. This open dialogue shall be a learning experience for the both us. Enjoy!

Single Series: Have you ever regretted not pursuing someone? Ever think you let your soulmate slip away? Sometimes you meet people at a point in your life when it seems like the wrong time. You meet a girl she seems so right for you. You two date for a few years and you feel like you want to pop the question. Then, you all break up before you can propose. Later she marries someone else. Looking back over the relationship you wonder how did things come to such a screeching halt. Could it be you got scared? Scared of happiness you let her slip away out of fear. Fear of the unknown that love brings. Live for love not regrets. We need to be kind to love don't turn it away. There was a gentleman I met years ago who treated me with the utmost respect. Our chemistry was undeniable. We would take long walks together and just talk for ours. We even stayed in a hotel room together and just cuddled till we fell asleep. He was such a gentleman he didn't even try anything he really just wanted to hold me. I was so young and I could not make any sense as to why this guy was so smitten by me. At that point I had been badly burned by my first love and I still hadn't gotten over my pain. I could not open up to this new guy because I was stuck in my last relationship. I felt less of a woman at the time and I could not completely open up to another man. So as the story goes I let him slip away and I have never gotten over him. It took me years to work up the courage to find him again. There are not too many days that go by I look at his picture and regret not opening my heart to him. I wish I had another shot at love. Everytime I think I am close I get knocked down time and time again. I am ready to gracefully bow out. Seize the moment. Love is joyous not scary. It is better to have loved and lost, rather than to never have loved at all. It gets under my skin to hear people had a chance at love and walked away for silly reasons. So many women/men I know have had people in their lives that wanted to give them the world yet they walked away. Now they ponder on whether or not it was a good choice. Stop denying the obvious. Chemistry is like a moth to a flame. You cannot pull away from an obvious magnetism. It pulls you in yet you fight it to free you. Love would never hold you hostage it just wants to hold you. Love and misery make strange bedfellows. You cannot draw a picture of love because you do not know what shape it is coming in. I am tired of denying myself the opportunity to love again. My first love devastated me and my second love drove me to my breaking point. But i didn't break maybe I am a feen looking for that euphoric feeling love brings. It is like a Lauryn Hill song nothing even matters to me. We have definitely been mis-educated on how it is to love. So many people who have been the examples of love have settled. You will often here them speak of love lost. They mourned there pain by foolishly rushing into love with someone else. It is as if they treasure fool's gold when the real thing is within their reach. Grasp it your deserve to be happy. A lot of people say the movies create this hype around what love really is. Aren't these people forgetting that art imitates life? Nothing is impossible. Love is a reachable star that outshines all others. You ever notice that happy glow you see when two people are in love. It is fine like wine and gets better with time. If you have a chance at love chase it like a dream. Let love drive you down the path of happiness. Would you let a dream be deferred? Do not let love whittle away like the petals of a dying rose. Let your tears of joy nourish it and allow it to blossom into a beautiful bouquet of love.

Good Guys Gone Bad

Why do good guys go bad? Ladies have been pondering this one for years. Hopefully today's post will shed some light on this mystery. Nice guys have grown tired of being overlooked. They have felt like they are walking mats we step all over on both sides. Good brothers are not a hot commodity although they should be. For too long we have mistaken their kindness for a weakness. We find their kindness to be emasculating, players are the alpha male. I cannot get that charm school episode out of my head with Tariq Nasheed where the women overlooked the Renaissance man who encompassed the qualities in a man that so many women say they want. We do not know what we want because we are dangerously in love with assholes. Ironically, enough when good guys go bad we always say he used to be so sweet. But that is when we play him for a sucker. Karma is definitely a bitch. The dynamics of the relationship have been broken down once again by society it dates back to slavery. The good slave was rewarded with vicious, torturous, gifts. He was beaten down in front of his family. This big, strong man whittled away in front the eyes of his wife and children. If he could not protect them who could. This changed the view of the man in his woman's eyes. Nice guys are simply put not respected for the kings they truly are. Think about it you have an example of a gentleman in Ne-Yo yet here we are questioning his sexuality. Learn to appreciate such intuitiveness. Ladies we need to have some accountability in the destruction of the nice guy. We are culpable for his demise. He is suffocating slowly and revival attempts are futile. Death will become him if we do not caress his aching heart. His blood will be on our hands. We make all these justifications, excuses rather for not accepting the good brother. Somehow he is not on our level yet we will meet a bad brother and try to mold him into a good brother. What part of the game is that? I am confused by even writing that. You cannot change a man. There it is I said it. Stop trying so damn hard. Accept what you deserve a good man. We get too consume by what he drives, how much he makes, and how good he looks. Look at the bigger picture concern yourself with whether or not he respects you enough to love and care for you and only you and not a bevy of other ladies. He loves you enough to have one leading lady on the pedestal. Aren't you tired of sharing the spotlight? Shit is so messed up you know everything your getting with the bad brother and still love him unconditionally. You take that same knowledge with a good brother and those very things will render him unlovable. Stop dating these men that don't want you. Or even better who only want a part of you. Stop being flattered when a guy tells you he wants to sleep with you. That is not flattering. Cut that shit out. Use your wise mind ladies stop going off your damn emotions. Listen I am talking to you as much as I am talking to me. I have a few good men in my life and I refuse to date them. I like you have been dating men that are emotionally unavailable to me trying to change them. I need like you to change my thought process. Collectively, we must rally for the elite group of good brother left. They should not be walking around here aimlessly. But before you can join this elite group you must be elite yourself. If you are a good woman that deserves a good man at accordingly. Ladies good men are a dying breed and it is our job to save them. Do not let them resurrect among the unsavory characters that bad men are. They are getting tired and fed up. Like a woman, once they are fed up there is nothing you can do about it. Falling out of love and it's too late to talk about it. Cherish the good guy in your life before you lose him. Once he is gone you will have to live with the fact you did him wrong forever.

Nice Guys Finish Last

Via Facebook Kourtney Spear asked: Why are good guys overlooked?

Well Kourtney it is the year of the gentleman but the players are getting all the love. That just doesn't seem fair. Ladies wake up there are nice guys surrounding you. Why do we waste time on these men that are emotionally unavailable to us? Here's the scenario, you go out with this guy and he is a perfect gentleman he follows all the rules of chilvary. At the end of the night he is excited that he got a kiss and is content with just that. He did not try to make a move all night and now you are questioning his sexuality. What type of shit is that? Since he did not make a move on you in your warped sense of self he must be gay. You should be flattered he is into traditional courting of a lady. You command respect yet you push it away when it is given without a fight. Love is not about fighting despite what you heard. Love is as natural as a warm summer's breeze. See we have this thing where we proclaim we want a challenge. We are turned on by a man we have to fight to be with us. It is so obvious he doesn't want you but you still fight for him anyway. I am stressing this issue because I do the same thing. I have the potential to be happy but I say I am confused. I do not want a nice guy if you look at my actions and neither do you. Guys plain and simple we don't want you. We don't want you because it is too simple, too easy, and we are not used to that. You don't make us prove we are worthy of your love. You give it too us as freely as God gives us life. We don't think we deserve happiness. We deserve to be shut out and not supported by our man. Hell we will even do the unthinkable settle. So what he does want to be married we will be content just having him lay next to us for years to come. We want a man in any form and fashion even if he is only ours for a moment. Someone said to me why won't you let me love you? I didn't have an answer for him. I could not give a plausible reason why I should not honor his request. So I say it now for all of us I am sorry. Sorry nice guys for treating you like trash instead like the royalty you are. Sorry for putting peasants on the pedestal and carrying them past you. Sorry for questioning your loyalty and respect. But most of all I am sorry for not loving myself enough to see that I do deserve to be loved by a man other than God. Nice guys wouldn't finish last if ladies just put themselves first.

Rule of Three

Freaky Friday: Would you ever lie to your current partner about how many people you have had sex with in the past? Why do poeple always say keep it real? When really they cannot handle reality? So you and your guy are having date night you are watching a movie he stops the movie and ask you how many people you have been with. He intrudes your thoughts of having sex with him that night with this nonsense. You tell him that you are not going to answer that question. He gets offended and you let him know that no matter the number he is going to be disappointed. That is when he says that more than likely whatever number you give him he will multiply by three. Because that is the rule of three. But he neglects to tell you that with guys you should subtract three from the number he gives you. In other words women downplay the number and guys overcompensate their number. Truth be told ladies we are basically caught in a Catch 22 on this one. No matter what we say they already think it is all bullshit. How fair is that? A guy himself told me he would never ask that question and will never answer that question. Now if I had said that a man would have looked at me like I had five heads with horns growing out of them. As long as your health records check out and the bill is clean what is the problem. Do you really want to know how many times your mate has gotten it in with someone other than you? What are you going to do walk up to them and shake their hand? I watched this show on time about hookers and there was this guy on there who wanted to know how many men the hooker had been with that night. Now that was strange. The truth is stranger than fiction. I just feel that question is a loaded one and I am not a fan of Russian Roulette. It just pisses me off how women are held to a higher standard than men. Separate but not equal. Every since Eve gave Adam the apple it has been hell to pay.

Tangled Web of Weave

What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you in regards to your hair (weave, tracks, braids, new style) while in the act of sex? First of all we know the rule is to never touch a black woman's hair especially not during sex. My boyfriend and I were hanging out at his house one night. Everything was cool it was my turn at the wheel so I am doing my thing leaned all the way back and just got into it when all of a sudden I leaned up to open my eyes to see his reaction. I had to make sure he liked the way I drove if you know what I mean. Well I looked at him and his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. I stopped and was like what is wrong he was stuttering he said your hair is gone. I touched ontop of my head and sure enough my wig had fallen off. Chile, my hair was braided in a bee hive and a sister had a serious case of new growth. After the initial shock wore off I laughed so hard I cried. The tears fell like someone had forgot to turn off the faucet. As I write this I am cracking up. Hey I am not afraid to poke fun at myself. Ladies we always want our weave to stay intact especially during the heat of the moment. You know the routine make sure the nails hands and feet are done and the weave is tight. You want to maintain your sexy even in battle. So you all can imagine how embarassed I was but thank goodness he didn't blackball me. Time was definitely on my side. On a serious note ladies we don't need the weave to be sexy a man would love to just play in our hair without worrying about tracks being in his hands. He just wants to run his fingers through your hair. We all say we want a man to wash our hair and grease our scalp how can he if it is crowded with glue or thread. Believe it or not natural is far more beautiful than we think. Imagine how wonderful it feels to pull your hair in a ponytail and have your man still call you sexy. I have to admit for a while I was hooked on weave and felt like I needed it to make me feel beautiful. But there is something refreshing about being free of weave and wigs. I love playing with my soft, pretty, tendrils. I love my curly hair. So rock that thing natural and tell him to shut up while you drive.

Dirty Dancing

Battle of the Sexes: Which lap dance is worst in the strip club or the nightclub? Let me play devil's advocate. In the defense of the men dances at a strip club are censored and tastefully done there is a strict hands off policy. The men can be touched but they are not allowed to touch the women. Now in a nightclub it is a free for all even football has less contact than dancing at a nightclub. It is if it they are having sex on the dance floor. They might as well bring a condom to the club. Lap dances in the strip club is known as contact dancing in which the patron is seated and the dancer barely sits on the patron's lap. While titillating and tantalizing it is still tasteful. Let him go to the strip club and pay a stripper to tease the hell out of him and send him home ready for you. Shit next time send her a damn tip. In a nightclub there are loose women and free alcohol a recipe for disaster. Yes free drinks because your man is paying for what she is sipping on. No telling who he is going home with or if he is coming home at all. He winds up sleeping with a woman he barely even knows. He'll never tell. Either way you slice it is still bad. No woman wants another woman dancing suggestively on her man. Take a pole dancing class and turn up the heat. Show him how you really work the pole and try some of your best moves on him. Throw your sexy outfit on with a sexy garter and tell him to make it rain. Let that money fall as you are sliding upside down from the pole. Give him something he doesn't have to leave home to find. Don't be afraid to be a kinky girl. Trust me he will love it. They have the poles that you can hook up to the ceiling in your bedroom. Give him a nice striptease on one long and rainy night. Show him who really invented sex.

Wife vs. Wifey

In light of many women getting married, divorced, and emotionally scarred in the process, women would you rather be Wife or Wifey? He cares for you and is there for you always. You talk about everything he shares his hopes and dreams with you. You are always eager to hear what he has to say and he appreciates that. The two of you seem like a good fit but you all have been with each other for years. You have never been in a relationship with him. He is always in one but just not with you. Sound familiar if it is then you are probably wifey. You get all the benefits without the ring. Let me break down the difference between the wife vs. the wifey. Let's start with wifey since she has been there the longest. You have a lot of respect for her she knows about your other conquests but does not care. Or at least it appears she does not care. She almost encompasses everything you want in a woman yet you do not want to marry her. Somewhere she falls short on your list of credentials. But she worth keeping at least until you meet your wife. Your wife is everything you want in a woman and more. She knows your family and friends and you have their blessing. She does not have to compete with other women because she is the only one. Some women would rather be wifey because so many men cheat and the ring is not that important to them. Yet some women feel it is what the ring symbolizes. Unity is what they want. They are tired of wandering around aimlessly without their soulmate. It is so difficult when you are with someone for years only to see them go off and be with someone else. Knowing that you sat there and were supportive of them and their aspirations motivated them when all hope seemed lost. It is like building a house and having someone else move in. It cuts so deep the bleeding never seems to stop. I would want to be the wife. Almost doesn't count.

The Root of all Evil

Gentleman's Corner: Men if you're in a relationship and your woman makes MORE money than you, does that affect the dynamics of the relationship? One night your girl makes dinner and afterwards you are sitting in her bedroom and you notice her paystub is lying on the nightstand. Temptation gets the best of you and you glance over it and it reveals that her paycheck is bigger than yours. Does this bring a negative affect on your relationship? Does such a fact conjure up negative feelings of jealousy, anger, and resentment? Or does cooler heads prevail and you see that this doesn't even factor into how you feel toward your lady at all? I was in a relationship where I brought home more bacon than him. He actually confronted me about it and was in shock. Initially, it took him a while to adjust to the fact I made more. It pissed me of that he had such a strong reaction to me it did not matter I loved him the same regardless of who take home pay was more. I did not see it as if he was some how less valuable to me. His ego got in the way a lot it was like a strange love triangle. His ego and I did battle for a while until he finally saw that me making more money should not change the dynamic of our relationship. Sometimes a man ego cannot handle a woman in a position of power so to speak. It takes a certain kind of man to handle such a thing and be ok with it. Men please do not feel threatened if the leading lady in your life is ahead of you in the income bracket. Money does not and should not determine how your relationship should go. Do not allow your ego to stand in the way of love. In situations like mine the man feels a sense of a loss of control in the relationship. He feels that there should be a certain balance and when the woman makes more it tips the scale in her favor. He holds contempt for her and resents the fact her money stands higher. He may think she feels a sense of entitlement and may even feel she thinks she is better than him. Should a woman making more money be a dominating factor in a relationship? Does this change the balance of the relationship? Can you all still be on the same level despite the fact she makes more?

Psychic Tendencies

Ladies what are 3 non-verbal signs you give a man to show him you are interested? Or signs you do not want to be bothered? I am a shy girl so non-verbal signs are an amazing way to communicate with people. I surveyed a few ladies both married and single. When a woman is interested in you she will make eye contact. She will keep an unwavering gaze on you. It will seems as if there are only two people on earth, you and her. Nothing else will even matter. If she is interested she will smile at you and not just because you are telling a funny joke. Talking to you makes her happy. She smiles often to let you know that. If you are also interested smile back. She leans toward you while talking. You have the green light. Take it before you see the signs she is not interested. Honestly, I was avoiding this fork in the road but I guess I will have to yank it out anyway. Guys after reading this take it at face value she just not that into you if: does not look you in the eye and turns her back to you when you are talking to her, runs and hide to avoid contact with you, and most importantly if you ask her out and she turns you down it is a wrap. She is not playing hard to get she just wants you to get a clue she is simply not interested. Men we hate it when you get all delusional and think we are playing a cat and mouse game. Please do not go into stalker mode. I had a situation like this I was not interested in someone and they were determined to convince me otherwise. I displayed all these signs and to this day he still thinks I am just confused about what I really want. Stop laughing ladies and gentleman his antics are annoying. Now ladies while you are laughing please keep in mind these rules both interested and uninterested can apply to men as well. Listen to a person non-verbal clues they will give you insight into what they really want or do not want from you. Don't make them say it out loud. Your ego will be stinging for days for the bitch verbal slap they give you.

Breach of Security

Have you ever had your mate go through your cell phone? What did you do? What would you do? Actually I have had someone do this to me and I was pissed. It was a nice weekend and I rarely spend weekends away from home but I decided to this one particular weekend. My date and I enjoyed a nice relaxing weekend. At one point in the evening I charged up my cell phone and left the room I came back next thing I know he is pissed and leaves the room. I wait for him to come back in and ask him what is wrong. He has my cellphone in his hand and is ranting and raving about myspace messages, text messages, just ranting. I am furious how dare he go through my phone. The thought never even crossed my mind to go through someone's phone even if it was left right in front of me. I just do not think things like that are cool. Seek and ye shall find. While I had nothing to hide he knew I was seeing other people we were just dating. He still felt the need to confront me anyway. He was dead wrong and I did not want to hear any of his banter. While I understand that trust is earned I also realize that you have to give it get it. How can I trust a man who will go through my phone? These are signs of distrust, jealous, possessive behaviors which are qualities I detest in a man. The foundation we are trying to build for a relationship has now been weakened due to your insecurities. Weak foundations make for weak relationships. You should be able to allow your phone to sit freely without worry. You should not have to place a lock on your phone. Bottom line my phone is my business unless you are my man then you won't have to ask because you will already know who is calling me. This is an unforgivable violation of privacy. We all want a level or respect and trust from our mate. Stop going through your mate's cellphone. If you don't trust them then leave them alone. A relationship with broken trust is destined for disaster. Funny thing is even when you have someone that has gone through your cellphone they still want to be with you and even apologize for their immature actions. Yet you are still under their scope of suspicion if you should decided to stay with them. The bigger question is why would you want with someone you do not trust. Especially if you have found evidence that further prove your suspicions. You will just keep digging more dirt with a ditch that will later bury you. If you think the world is cheating you then you are right. You are missing out of the beauty of trust.

Finding Forgiveness

Freaky Friday: What is the wildest act your cheating mate performed to prove his/her undying love for you? Can a relationship survive infidelity? After a partner cheats, can the love survive the broken bond between the two of you? You are with your man and you have had found out he cheated on you. You are hurt as well overwhelmed by the pain heartbreak brings. Questions burst out of you like a damn that has reached it's breaking point. Naively you question the fact wondering if you were good enough for him instead of understanding the fact he just proved himself unworthy by committing this heinous act. How do you move past this? With the feelings that seem to envelope your heart and seal it shut can your love for him remain the same? As your heart began to harden and trust goes out the window can forgiveness be found before your heart is immersed in concrete. Anger about the fact often breeds insecurity. I had a former love cheat on me and I thought I could forgive him. I tried to look at the act as water flowing under a newly built bridge. Yet thoughts of her and him raced through my mind everyday. It got to a point where I was so riddled with hate and contempt for the both of them I went to her job to confront her. I had no idea what I was going to say because in all actuality I did not want to say anything. All I knew was I was hurting and I want someone else to feel my pain preferably someone who inflicted it upon me. I got there and her and I were face to face and she could not even look at me. I want to say so much but the words could not form at my speechless lips. There she was the woman who for so long had no face merely she was simply a name which ignited anger in me. What did she have that I did not? Why wasn't I enough for him? As I write this I want to let you know that it took me years to move past what happened. For a long time I would see her and just wanted her to look me in the eyes and explain how she could sleep with the man she knew was mine. I wanted to know why she thought her needs were more important than mine? Why did he care for he more than me? I will be honest it took a lot of years and tears for me to move past what happened between them. Seeing them together after our breakup stung deep like a knife wound to my heart. Forgiveness was a hard lesson to learn. I had to accept that there was nothing I could have done to prevent him from cheating. Also, I had to accept that I am worthy of unconditional, pure love. I forgave him because my heart was hemorrhaging from all the hurt his selfishness caused. I tried to hold onto to the good our relationship had produced. The truth was our time had passed and we were holding onto a memory that had since faded. You can forgive but you can never forget. Even when I write this piece the pain I felt the day I found out he was cheating still seems so raw as if it happened yesterday. That is why although I have forgiven him I have decided that I cannot allow him back into my heart. No amount of tears or kisses can make his indiscretion dissipate from my memory. As much as I want what we once had I have to be realistic and keep things in perspective for me. For me this act what far too great and cost me way too much. I refuse to let my guard down again for him. Cheating makes trust a hard thing to give to someone. You cannot blame every man for the foolishness of one. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

Flirting with Misery

Would you really want to know if your girl is cheating on you? You say you want to know but do you really? Can you handle it? If honesty is the best policy how would you handle hearing that your lady is cheating on you? You are busy with your career and you have been neglecting your girl lately. She has expressed that she understands you are busy but she just wants a little of your time and attention. You keep meaning to but you have been putting it off for quiet some time. After a while she stops asking for your time and begins busying herself with something new. You are relieved because she is no longer so insistent about sharing your time. Subtle clues began to surface that something is not right. Her phone never rings, she takes calls in the other room, and she keeps her phone close to her even taking it into the bathroom while taking her shower. Your curiosity is sparked because she always used to leave her phone lying around paying attention to you not so much it. You suspect she is cheating but you only have circumstantial evidence the case would get thrown out on its ass in court. In your mind you are battling between emotional and rational mind. Your rational mind is winning the battle yet your emotions are fueling the war. You would like to sit down and talk to her to get a better understanding of what is going on. So you confront her and surprisingly she admits that she has been seeing someone else. Guilt consumes her and tears of remorse began cascading down her face. She drops to her knees and begs for your forgiveness. You can visibly see this is tearing her apart. Do you forgive her? Ladies as well all know men are less likely to forgive women of infidelity than a woman is to forgive a man. In our minds we want to understand so we are fixated in emotional mind. In his mind, rationale tells him there is no excuse for cheating under any circumstance. You should have remained faithful regardless. In the grand scheme of things cheating is not worth the consequences you must endure for committing such a heinous act. Recently, I watched an episode of Maury where this woman confessed to cheating on her man and he was so devastated had it not been for the cameras I think it would have gotten physical. She allowed an intruder to invade her mind, body, and soul and it would forever be etched in his memory. Love is strong but the intensity of infidelity can often sever it's ties. The cost is too great. True love is priceless. Why would you sell out to the highest bidder and auction off the greatest gift of all?

Cheating Heart

Battle of the Sexes: Who cheats more men or women? Before you answer that which one can you prove beyond a reasonable doubt? I guess if I ask that then I have to say who is the better liar and we all know the answer to that one. Keep it simple stupid. Guys you cannot keep your lies straight...ever. You wind up telling on yourself without even knowing it. Cheating is never the answer but it is a solution at least a temporary one. You are in love with your man and you think the world of him. Your sex life is lackluster at best and you try to implement new ideas but your man is not hearing any of it. You have exhausted all your efforts you have even got a B.O.B. In layman's terms a battery operated boyfriend he finds this to be intimidating as well. You grow tired of the mundane sex life and need some excitement in your life. You and B.O.B. are more intimate than you and your man. At your wits end you struggle with what to do. Needless to say you get swept into the arms of another man. He satisfies you beyond your wildest fantasises! Tears fall like rain pounding against your window pane. Proceed with caution this posting is in no way condoning cheating. Simply this is a means of explaining the reason for the behavior. This example does not reflect that cheating is purely sexual sometimes it gets deeper than that. I highly recommend ending the current before you move into the future. In my own experience cheating is like putting a band aid on a wound that needs stitches. If you have exhausted all your efforts push through that frustration and realize all good things come to an end. Yes I am admitting I have cheated in the past and I regretted it. That type of dysfunctional behavior does more harm than good to a relationship. The cheater's mind becomes paranoid and accusatory toward their partner. Guilt-ridden the cheater tries to rationalize his/her behavior while closely monitoring their mates. Covering their tracks pushing them to the brink of insanity. The lies grow while the memory slows. Is cheating ever worth it?

Conquering the Concubine

Why isn't your woman enough? You have a woman who is open with you sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. She is your best friend. On the surface you should not have any complaints. Yet you complain about her high sex drive. You inform her that she needs to tone it down. Adding insult to injury you are cheating on her with another woman. Is it that one woman alone cannot satisfy a man? You have all you need and more right there at home but your appetite for other women is insatiable. Finding contention in a monogamous relationship seems to be a daunting task. Monogamy like love is not a disease you just catch. It takes work and your relationship should be worth salvaging. Women are constantly baffled over the question of why men cheat? We have grown tiresome of blaming ourselves when men are the ones that are cheating. Are they incapable of vying for the love and affection of one woman? It seems that rejection seems too heavy a cross to bear. Often they use their rationale minds which leaves them cold and callous because they turn off their emotions. Kryptonite comes in the form of vulnerability. Fear then begins to envelope them. Often I wonder if the reason why we have so many "single" men is due to the fact they are afraid of truly being in love. The term "single" is used loosely since a lot of men consider themselves single since they are not married. Despite the fact many of them are in a committed relationships. Does the term committed sounds like lockup? Do you feel like a relationship is an institution you want to escape from?

Deceptive Desires

Is the saying true once a cheater always a cheater? Can a cheater be reformed? You have been dating a man for a few months and he has female friends but you are secure in your spot. One night he was supposed to show up for your date night. He never shows up. You get a call in the wee hours in the morning that he is in the hospital. He begins to tell you how his "friend's" husband beat him up because the wife stated she is in love with your man. As he is telling you the story it does not jive with you but you remain in control and tell him you are on your way to the hospital. He turns down your request. Yet he is adamant about the fact that she has not come to see him. How hurtful is that? I was so hurt I had to look at his messed up his face and kiss away his pain. After he healed I broke it off . It was too much pain to bear. Cheating is such a devastating act. Although they say it has nothing to do with you it cuts you deep straight to the core of your heart. It has been years since that happened but it has a lot to do with why I am not ready to be in a relationship again. I cannot help but wonder if I will make the mistake of falling for another cheater. I have learned that it is best not to cheat. It is better to just to walk away. Cheating often has a lot to do with underlying issues that the cheater has not resolved. Your love cannot medicate their illness. You deserve to be with someone who will be committed to only you. A little honesty would have cured a lot of my heartache. When you leave a cheater you come away feeling as if there is something you could have done differently. Truthfully, it does not matter what you do they will cheat regardless, if that's is their intention. You could hold him/her down and be there for them mind, body and soul and he/she will still stray. If your heart is not with the person you are with love them enough to let them go. No sense in being selfish pouring salt into an infected wound.