Cooking Queen

What can a woman do besides sex to satisfy her man when she cannot cook? Does she fake till she makes it? Buying takeout then throwing away the container in the trash. Who is the reigning queen of the microwave now that I have learned the art of cooking? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You want to keep him happy so go to your mother or grandmother and watch them in action in the kitchen. It is the best thing ever. I never dreamed I would love cooking so much. If you refuse the idea altogether then you have to pick up in other areas. You conversation has to be interesting and on point. Make sure you focus on areas his is interested in. Try watching the game with him without asking too many questions. Save them for the commercial. Read up on his favorite sport and favorite sports team. Learn to play games together try different ones such as twister, scrabble, scattergories, and even chess. The bottom line is learn how to cook. Men wants a woman who cooks, clean, and everything. Take a cooking class or take some lessons with grandma to learn how to make lean cuisines. Start with something simple like lasagna or baked ziti. Find out his favorite dish and master it. You may not get it right the first time but he will appreciate your continued effort. Let's face facts eating out gets boring after a while. Once you start cooking you may learn you love it like I did. I take great pride in my work in the kitchen. I call up my mother and grandmother all the time when trying something new. If you are bad with instructions like me sit there in the kitchen buy the ingredients and watch someone else make it so you know for next time. Especially since today is Thanksgiving make it a point to spend sometime in the kitchen and learn a few tricks of the trade. If you are anything like me and love to learn you will enjoy cooking and be so happy you started. I cannot tell you how cute I thought it was when my former boyfriend would come over say babe what did you cook. One day he will love your cooking just as much as he loves you.

Love in the Club

Gentleman's Corner: Ladies why do you dress sexy in the club only to come there and stand on the wall? You barely notice the sexy fellas in the room because your nose is up in the air. Fellas you ever been in the club and notice a sexy lady in the club and you ask her to dance and she declines your request. Later you observe her again and she is still standing there grinding on the wall or one of her girls. Even worse some of you come dressed scantily clad and are shocked when a guy comes onto you. You have all your goodies showing leaving nothing to the imagination. You get all up in arms that he made a pass at you. Ladies I am not condoning a man making a sexual advance to you but when you have everything out he is not thinking wow she has a big beautiful....brain. Leave him guessing. Men like a challenge not an easy mark. Both of the situations occur every weekend in the club every weekend. Now I am not guaranteeing you are going to find love in the club but at least go out to have a good time. Ladies men appreciate seeing you all dolled up and want to approach you. Remember men are stimulated visually and in awe of how beautiful you look on any given club night. In their minds they do not see the logic in getting dressed up just to sit alone all night. They feel you might as well have stayed home. Anti-social behavior is not cute in the club. Then some of you have the nerve to be upset that no one approached you. Shutting men down when they approach is a surefire way to get you on the she is dancing alone list for the night. Not to mention the mean scowls you have on your face in the club no one wants to talk to a woman that looks pissed off. He does not want to further piss you off. Keep a smile on your face and an open mind when enter the club. Since one would like to believe you are there to enjoy yourself. Do not distract yourself about sweating out your weave that is what ponytail holders are for. Another issue worth address is the women who come dressed to the club like they are about to perform at another club....the strip club. Now do not get upset I am not telling anyone what to wear in a club. This is after all a free country. You can wear whatever you like. Just keep in mind you will attract a certain type of attention that may be unwanted. He will approach you but his mind will be consume with trying to get you out of the club and into the bed. Some men see the club as a hunting grounds and search for their prey there. Wearing next to nothing is like a deer caught in a hunter's sight. Some women have the audacity to be offended and appalled when a man approaches them with sex on his lips as they speak to them when dressed this way. Keep it grown and sexy force him to look into your eyes when speaking to you do not let your body distract him from seeing the real you. When I go to the club I am looking to meet new people. Although I am a shy girl I am not hesitant to meet a new firnedly face. Now gentleman while I sympathize with you in both of these situations some of you are guilty as charged with coming to a club only to stand around and watching fun happen all around you. In my eyes you could have stayed your ass home. You go to a club to dance and socialize. Let your hair down a little. Wind up your waist and drop it low and get your party on. Good times are ahead of you at the club.

Living in a Glass House

Freaky Friday: Why can't a hoe be a housewife? Is that a rhetorical question? Many will argue that a hoe can't be a housewife because she would give all the milk to the milkman. They say hoes can`t be trusted now what does that say about the men who creep with them. You have a girlfriend and you creep with a girl on the side. Many will say she is a hoe for creeping with someone else's man. You creep with her on a regular basis. Are you a hoe too? Won't you walk a mile in her stilettos before you kick her back in. Sounds like the man in the situation is throwing stones at a glass house. Don't hoes need love too. Too my of us are living in the past. Judge lest ye be judged. It is humorous to see how much shit you talk about the next person. If they ain't talking about you then you ain't that interesting. Mind your damn business and let that hoe take that stroll. May it lead her to happiness. Ever stop to wonder where her promiscuity stems from? Of course not you just thought she popped out the womb sleeping around. But as the saying goes men love sluts just not as girlfriends or wives. Which hoe is worst the one on the corner or the one in your bed? It goes back to the double standard about how men and women truly are not equal. Women face facts we cannot do what men can do unless we want to endure some serious scrutiny. I am not condoning promiscuity I do not want my sisters out here laying around with every man she encounters. I want her to realize she has worth and value herself. Fulfilling a fantasy is cool but being everyone's Girl Six is not cool. Monogamy is communicable please hurry up and catch it. Ladies we cannot sleep around because we are shunned for that. You are equal to a streetwalker and you need to find a pimp unless your a renegade. Ladies we have to lead by example for our sisters and daughters. We don't want them selling themselves short feeding into hoe quotes. If you use what got to get what you want then you don't have much to offer. Let that be the former you. Everyone has to have a period of metamorphisis. Stop looking back press on forward. Undoubtedly, there will be those who will come back to haunt you. Simply put everything you do in the dark always comes out in the light. Forgive yourself and the rest will follow. Men I understand that you don't want to be with a woman who has a reputation that proceeds her. But think about this what if you knew nothing of her past fell in love with her and got to know the beauty she truly is. Then you later find out she has a less than stellar past life do you love her anyway? Can a bad girl be reformed? She forgave herself why can't you?

Glory Days

Ever lost a love because you were stuck in the past? Never dwell on something old, when you have something new. In life we tend to allow the ghosts of love past haunt our present day and even work its way into our future. We get so caught up in what could have been we miss out on how things should be. I had an eye-opening encounter this morning and would like you to learn the lesson without the kick in the ass. There was this sexy guy who worked in my office building who approached me a while back. He was very nice looking had an easy-going manner about him very down to earth. I gave him my number and we would periodically speak on the phone. I would make sporadic phone calls to him. We hung out two times and that was it. At the time I was seeing this other guy I had been dating off and on. He would pick me up from work and come to my house all the time. Unbeknownst to me the new guy saw all this since he lived near me and worked in the same building. I would tell him when he asked me if I was seeing anyone no and that I was just dating. I never gave it a second thought. Needless to say I let the new guy go because I was so fixated on the current guy. He would not commit to me he kept saying if only I would change. It took too many years and tears for me to get that shit through my head. It was not until recently I got the case of the fuck-its and let him go. Yet I cannot help but wonder on what could have been as I talked to the new guy it was apparent he wanted nothing to do with me. My ego got knocked unconscious. When it came to we both realized what a mistake we made. Never make the same mistake twice. Never allow emotion mind to drive your heart. If you allow your emotions to fuel your decisions you will be walking on shaky ground. The rational and emotional must fuse together to create wise mind. You need them both to think clearlyand logically. Matters of the heart often defy logic. Sometimes you have to think like a guy to get one. Men tend to look at things from a black and white view it is either all or nothing therefore diminishing any grey area. If a guy was in my situation he probably would have cut the old girl off and move on. When a situation isn’t working for you change your environment. Never allow your past to dictate your future. People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. Acknowledge their place in your life and move on. We need to possess the power of letting go. Do not try to make someone stay that is meant to go. As T.D. Jakes says, “When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never to be tied to anyone that left.” Stop trying to raise the dead. Know when it is over. Ever noticed when everyone around you it telling you to let something go and you are holding on you are often barely hanging on. You lose your grip instead of letting it go you chase after the rope that will inevitably be used to hang yourself. If people are not joined to you know that you cannot make them stay. That was my problem and now that I have cut myself down from the rope my eyes are open. You cannot view the world with rose-colored glasses. You will trip and fall over your own feet. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO!

Pursuit of Happiness

Why are you single? Welcome to the start of my new single series. This will be an introspection into the depth of why we are single? I will pose various questions in which I welcome candid responses. I will be frank with you as well. This open dialogue shall be a learning experience for the both us. Enjoy!

Single Series: Have you ever regretted not pursuing someone? Ever think you let your soulmate slip away? Sometimes you meet people at a point in your life when it seems like the wrong time. You meet a girl she seems so right for you. You two date for a few years and you feel like you want to pop the question. Then, you all break up before you can propose. Later she marries someone else. Looking back over the relationship you wonder how did things come to such a screeching halt. Could it be you got scared? Scared of happiness you let her slip away out of fear. Fear of the unknown that love brings. Live for love not regrets. We need to be kind to love don't turn it away. There was a gentleman I met years ago who treated me with the utmost respect. Our chemistry was undeniable. We would take long walks together and just talk for ours. We even stayed in a hotel room together and just cuddled till we fell asleep. He was such a gentleman he didn't even try anything he really just wanted to hold me. I was so young and I could not make any sense as to why this guy was so smitten by me. At that point I had been badly burned by my first love and I still hadn't gotten over my pain. I could not open up to this new guy because I was stuck in my last relationship. I felt less of a woman at the time and I could not completely open up to another man. So as the story goes I let him slip away and I have never gotten over him. It took me years to work up the courage to find him again. There are not too many days that go by I look at his picture and regret not opening my heart to him. I wish I had another shot at love. Everytime I think I am close I get knocked down time and time again. I am ready to gracefully bow out. Seize the moment. Love is joyous not scary. It is better to have loved and lost, rather than to never have loved at all. It gets under my skin to hear people had a chance at love and walked away for silly reasons. So many women/men I know have had people in their lives that wanted to give them the world yet they walked away. Now they ponder on whether or not it was a good choice. Stop denying the obvious. Chemistry is like a moth to a flame. You cannot pull away from an obvious magnetism. It pulls you in yet you fight it to free you. Love would never hold you hostage it just wants to hold you. Love and misery make strange bedfellows. You cannot draw a picture of love because you do not know what shape it is coming in. I am tired of denying myself the opportunity to love again. My first love devastated me and my second love drove me to my breaking point. But i didn't break maybe I am a feen looking for that euphoric feeling love brings. It is like a Lauryn Hill song nothing even matters to me. We have definitely been mis-educated on how it is to love. So many people who have been the examples of love have settled. You will often here them speak of love lost. They mourned there pain by foolishly rushing into love with someone else. It is as if they treasure fool's gold when the real thing is within their reach. Grasp it your deserve to be happy. A lot of people say the movies create this hype around what love really is. Aren't these people forgetting that art imitates life? Nothing is impossible. Love is a reachable star that outshines all others. You ever notice that happy glow you see when two people are in love. It is fine like wine and gets better with time. If you have a chance at love chase it like a dream. Let love drive you down the path of happiness. Would you let a dream be deferred? Do not let love whittle away like the petals of a dying rose. Let your tears of joy nourish it and allow it to blossom into a beautiful bouquet of love.

Good Guys Gone Bad

Why do good guys go bad? Ladies have been pondering this one for years. Hopefully today's post will shed some light on this mystery. Nice guys have grown tired of being overlooked. They have felt like they are walking mats we step all over on both sides. Good brothers are not a hot commodity although they should be. For too long we have mistaken their kindness for a weakness. We find their kindness to be emasculating, players are the alpha male. I cannot get that charm school episode out of my head with Tariq Nasheed where the women overlooked the Renaissance man who encompassed the qualities in a man that so many women say they want. We do not know what we want because we are dangerously in love with assholes. Ironically, enough when good guys go bad we always say he used to be so sweet. But that is when we play him for a sucker. Karma is definitely a bitch. The dynamics of the relationship have been broken down once again by society it dates back to slavery. The good slave was rewarded with vicious, torturous, gifts. He was beaten down in front of his family. This big, strong man whittled away in front the eyes of his wife and children. If he could not protect them who could. This changed the view of the man in his woman's eyes. Nice guys are simply put not respected for the kings they truly are. Think about it you have an example of a gentleman in Ne-Yo yet here we are questioning his sexuality. Learn to appreciate such intuitiveness. Ladies we need to have some accountability in the destruction of the nice guy. We are culpable for his demise. He is suffocating slowly and revival attempts are futile. Death will become him if we do not caress his aching heart. His blood will be on our hands. We make all these justifications, excuses rather for not accepting the good brother. Somehow he is not on our level yet we will meet a bad brother and try to mold him into a good brother. What part of the game is that? I am confused by even writing that. You cannot change a man. There it is I said it. Stop trying so damn hard. Accept what you deserve a good man. We get too consume by what he drives, how much he makes, and how good he looks. Look at the bigger picture concern yourself with whether or not he respects you enough to love and care for you and only you and not a bevy of other ladies. He loves you enough to have one leading lady on the pedestal. Aren't you tired of sharing the spotlight? Shit is so messed up you know everything your getting with the bad brother and still love him unconditionally. You take that same knowledge with a good brother and those very things will render him unlovable. Stop dating these men that don't want you. Or even better who only want a part of you. Stop being flattered when a guy tells you he wants to sleep with you. That is not flattering. Cut that shit out. Use your wise mind ladies stop going off your damn emotions. Listen I am talking to you as much as I am talking to me. I have a few good men in my life and I refuse to date them. I like you have been dating men that are emotionally unavailable to me trying to change them. I need like you to change my thought process. Collectively, we must rally for the elite group of good brother left. They should not be walking around here aimlessly. But before you can join this elite group you must be elite yourself. If you are a good woman that deserves a good man at accordingly. Ladies good men are a dying breed and it is our job to save them. Do not let them resurrect among the unsavory characters that bad men are. They are getting tired and fed up. Like a woman, once they are fed up there is nothing you can do about it. Falling out of love and it's too late to talk about it. Cherish the good guy in your life before you lose him. Once he is gone you will have to live with the fact you did him wrong forever.

Nice Guys Finish Last

Via Facebook Kourtney Spear asked: Why are good guys overlooked?

Well Kourtney it is the year of the gentleman but the players are getting all the love. That just doesn't seem fair. Ladies wake up there are nice guys surrounding you. Why do we waste time on these men that are emotionally unavailable to us? Here's the scenario, you go out with this guy and he is a perfect gentleman he follows all the rules of chilvary. At the end of the night he is excited that he got a kiss and is content with just that. He did not try to make a move all night and now you are questioning his sexuality. What type of shit is that? Since he did not make a move on you in your warped sense of self he must be gay. You should be flattered he is into traditional courting of a lady. You command respect yet you push it away when it is given without a fight. Love is not about fighting despite what you heard. Love is as natural as a warm summer's breeze. See we have this thing where we proclaim we want a challenge. We are turned on by a man we have to fight to be with us. It is so obvious he doesn't want you but you still fight for him anyway. I am stressing this issue because I do the same thing. I have the potential to be happy but I say I am confused. I do not want a nice guy if you look at my actions and neither do you. Guys plain and simple we don't want you. We don't want you because it is too simple, too easy, and we are not used to that. You don't make us prove we are worthy of your love. You give it too us as freely as God gives us life. We don't think we deserve happiness. We deserve to be shut out and not supported by our man. Hell we will even do the unthinkable settle. So what he does want to be married we will be content just having him lay next to us for years to come. We want a man in any form and fashion even if he is only ours for a moment. Someone said to me why won't you let me love you? I didn't have an answer for him. I could not give a plausible reason why I should not honor his request. So I say it now for all of us I am sorry. Sorry nice guys for treating you like trash instead like the royalty you are. Sorry for putting peasants on the pedestal and carrying them past you. Sorry for questioning your loyalty and respect. But most of all I am sorry for not loving myself enough to see that I do deserve to be loved by a man other than God. Nice guys wouldn't finish last if ladies just put themselves first.